What’s a chapter of your life you’d title “The Hard Years” — and what got you through it?

Having the trauma experience (s) I’ve had, it’s hard to pinpoint one period of time that was hardest. I’ve had multiple traumas during my formative years (11-18) and traumas during my adult years (19-continuing). Granted, many of the traumas of the past replay now. I’m 11, 15, 18, 22, 35, 39. They seem like lotto numbers. They’re not. They’re ages that I’ve experienced strong traumatic situations. Some of that time was spent in long term trauma mode. My mom was in a vegetative state from 1992-2011 when are finally passed away. 19 years spent in a trauma holding pattern. Waiting for the phone call. Waiting to hear that “God” took her home. She finally qualified for that heavenly home.

I didn’t adapt well. I was constantly tired, depressed, worked too hard, got paid too little, appreciated…? I have had a few constants.

• Eric, since 1997
• Missy since 1993/4
• Comedy/Laughter
• Music

I’ve been lucky to add to the list since then. I’m grateful for my blog, for The Peripheral Podcast and Justin Evans for giving me a voice. For the Laestadian forum on Reddit, for threads, for the former IALC forum on social media. For the therapist I now see. For my bestie, Shannon. For dogs, experiences, travel, and my new car.

I’ve lost a lot. And when you lost a lot and you take consecutive proverbial hits, the good doesn’t make sense. It just doesn’t. And the good felt good until the good was in the rear view mirror. Then the overanalyzing begins. ‘I didn’t deserve’ rhetoric begins again.

The people, the things I have, my life. My learning brain is helping me to understand that I am okay.

When you’re mentally ill or have a brain injury (PTSD/CPTSD), people will not understand. People will think you’re too much . They’ll walk away. And sometimes, that’s the biggest hidden favor they could possibly do for you, even if you absolutely suffer with that knowledge like I did. I hate that they left. I’m also glad that I left. I didn’t have to fake it for them.

I won’t fake it for anyone.

My positive and negative experiences have shaped me to be a huge advocate for anyone with mental health struggles. I will hug you and cry with you. I will hold your hand and I will try to listen to you. I will read your words. I will grieve with you. One caveat : See me as a person that deserves care and respect. If you can do that without judgment, I’m your gal. I’ll do my best.