As if you needed it….

However, here you are.

Beef is the Patriarch. He’s an Alaskan, a fisherman, and has four great kids. All with some minor (ish) dependency issues. Beef is newly single. And he misses their mother, Kathleen Tobin. Kathleen gets “killed by a bear on the way to pick up childrens’ medicine that she intended to donate to the hospital” Wink… wink. Even though the kids ALL know Kathleen left to be with her lover Marcus. They pen a blog called “Pittsburg Steelers”. A blog dedicated to all the stores in Pittsburg PA that tolerates stealing.

Beef struggles to accept that Kathleen left. The kids are healing accordingly. Moon – most brave of the Tobin children. Much older for his 10 years of age. Very mature. Even helps Wolf understand that Kathleen didn’t leave because Wolf “Accidentally” introduced his mom to man that would destroy his parents marriage. All because he went for Dance lessons in Death Cliff. The Saturday Splits at the Lone Moose School helps. Thank you, Lisa Renna for your touching love story in relation to actual divorces. Judy is getting pretty okay with her parents separation. She feels a little weird about her Dad getting back out there. Beef and Judy both realized they’ve been “gun shy” in terms of love. Weird. Ham is fine. He’s adapting. He’s eventually excited about Beefs’ sensual journey. Wolf is … simple yet deep, creepy and creeptastic, innocent, very inappropriate conversational skills and a deeply concerning relating to his father.

I love the interplay with this family. They are truly fun. Beef is such a difficult character . He’s the traditional lumberjack, outdoorsy guy. Boots and plaid. Beard and braun. Yet he still embraces his sensitive sides. He’s business first, he accepts his son, Ham. And that was a concern because Ham is Gay. And while I just cannot understand how we devalue humans on characteristics, skin, and other perceived maladies I will never know. Beef loves Curling (the sport, nothing to do with hair). He loves spending time with his kids, Fishing, The Mighty Kathleen, Coddingham Creme Potatoes, his community, And Enough Said….. (Here lies Beef Tobin. Enough Said)

Wolf Tobin is LOTS of energy and fun. He’s peppy, witty, sometimes daft, but truly clever. He can think of puns, try out for outdoor related survival tv shows, try to emulate Beef, speak in just dreadfully inappropriate ways and NEVER being the wiser. It’s truly baffling. And wonderful. I chuckle, then groan. And so on, so forth. OOH, and the Wet Wolf? It WAS featured at “The Hoagy Pony” and only Wolf would buy it. 1 piece of white bread, 1 Slice of Swiss Cheese

1 cup of each of the following ingredients: Mayo (Mayonnaise), Ketchup, Mustard, Hot Sauce, Relish, Thousand Island Dressing.

YUCK!

Regardless of the Wet Wolf sounding absolutely disgusting, Wolf is a stand up guy. He loves his family. He could stand to move a few miles away from home, but truly loves his family. He is such a sweetheart and dedicated. To Honey Bee, to his Dad (especially his Dad), to his siblings, and to the town. He’s someone I’d definitely like to hang out with.

Ham is 17 and he’s found a new love in his life. The new kid from Michigan named Krispin. Krispin is a boy. Right. Gay. Judy originally takes interest in Krispin. She didn’t even see that Krispin was gay. Ham tries to get a dramatic reaction from the Tobin clan – coming out. And again, coming out. Ham, we know and we love you just the way you are! That’s what they say time and time again. It’s okay that you’re gay. And I love you. Ham has an Alaskin twin, 9 months apart – twins of the heart. And they are good at their whipped cream strawberry synchonizing speed and accuracy. It is wild. They just don’t practice it.

Judy has an imaginary best friend. (I wonder if Kima knows?) Alanis Morisette. Ham doesn’t know. He just assumes Judy is talking to herself. Judy is 16 years old now and still has an imaginary best friend. But it’s Alanis Morisette. AKA God. Judy is creative, dramatic, intelligent, feminist, and appropriately horny. Judy also likes politics, is interested in womens rights, native rights, and is active in her school trips. Remember when Judy got high on a class trip to Juneau to meet the state representatives? Remember? Judy and Kima stole the courtesy van, dine and dashed, stole a cottage cheese container with a racist logo of feminist hero Elizabeth Peratrovich. The Dutiful Dairy. Sigh…. Judy LOVES her family. She loves her independence. She loves her job with Alisson – with whom Beef REALLY likes (hubba hubba). Judy is empathetic, colorful, artistic, and a free thinker. You go, girl!

Moon. I love Moon. He (gulp) likes a girl. Quinn. He’s concerned his Dad is not actually his Dad. After all… Kathleen. Woof, that girl. Moon is brave. Of the Tobin children, he has the most stones. He is willing to not only trap, but confront Bigfoot. He is intelligent and helps his friends, not die. He’s responsible and also a little wild. Halloween candy consumption is a bit much. Moon is so beyond his years. Yet he’s just incredible.

All of that, in this small Alaska Town. This family is just brilliant in its function and dysfunction. Beef lies to his children about Kathleen. The kids pretend to believe him, until they finally confront him. I love that so many of these episodes contain so much heart, so much openness to each member of the family – regardless of who is older than who. They all accept each other. No matter who they like to fuck. No matter what fish they caught. No matter what they decide to do with their life. They are each little pieces of every single fucking one of us. They don’t have pretense. They are REAL. And did I mention about the heart…?

And also… I never would have guessed that Beef’s penis is named Cindy. Yet somehow, it works.

I think for me, each episode represents to me that you can be different. You can have different passions. And you can still love each other. You can still accept each other. And that is what we should be. Not like the aunt I hadn’t heard from in over 20 years. Sure do.

It’s sad that the show came to an end. The creators, writers, cast, and crew – tied it up in a nice little knot. I just wish I knew if they ended up getting a “New Grandma” or not.

Oh well…..