My podcast episode apparently ruffled some feathers. Despite not saying the direct name of the church. I gave the origin of the religion.

My mom was mad at me when I said the name of the church incorrectly in a phone call. She almost slapped me across the face. I saw her reaction. I know what I saw. I didn’t make that up. I promise you that.

My sister got pregnant out of wedlock. Like many people do. She married the father while she was pregnant. That marriage didn’t work. Dianne took steps to make her life right. My mother forgave Dianne.

I know my Mom would be very angry with me. The reality is, it was my story to tell. My story is mine to tell. Regardless of how people reacted, I lived that. And it damaged me. And I have tried exceptionally hard to work my way around.

I don’t need to ask for forgiveness of anyone. I’ve done kind things for people. I have acted in “Christ like ways”. I don’t need to congregate to prove my heart to anyone. I know in part what or who I need to take forgiveness from. And that’s forgiveness for myself. From and for me.

Likewise, my Dad. He would be very angry about my podcast episode too. My Dad wasn’t a fool and regardless of how my telling reflected on the faith, I don’t think he’d argue the telling of my experience. He was there.  He experienced what I was like. And what he was like. Regardless of how anyone reconciles that, it wasn’t wrong. I experienced life changing events, over and over. And my brain fractured as a result.

I don’t ask forgiveness of my Dad. I believe that he knows my heart, to some extent. Especially if, after we cross over, we watch our loved ones. He’s seen me in the ways I’ve tried to rectify my life. I didn’t just tell my truth about the church, I spoke about myself in very unflattering terms. I was not great at survival. Yet that was all I knew. Survival. If all you’re doing is surviving, how can you possibly ever thrive???

I don’t ask for forgiveness. I know my truth. I know who didn’t show up for me. I know that I had to show up, despite all my desires not to.

Who gets to say, we are not all Gods Children? I’ve only ever heard it says as we are all God’s children. That humans have free will. And we judge. So our distinction of God’s will is flawed because we are born of original sin. Time changes. What once was, no longer is. The tides change. If you believe in God, you are picking and choosing based off human error as to who is justified or not. Your words are not speaking for God. Your words speak for you and your belief and how you make it for until biblical times. Which .. Again, is not now.

My Dad and Mom likely still love me. As flawed as I am. Would it be difficult for my parents to accept? Yes. Would they still love me? Nothing I know of my parents would say they wouldn’t continue to love me. Despite what the church says, I’m still family. And that’s why I have difficulty accepting people from the church. Just because you’re family, didn’t guarantee you admission to the Laestadianism club. If you’re not one of us, you’re not one of us. And that distinction is damning.

There is no winning if you don’t buy in.