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After Brainspotting..
I did a session of brainspotting with my therapist this morning. By 11 am, I was on my way to return home. And while I’m sitting here, posting, at 6:22 pm, this is what the aftermath can look like. I don’t share this picture for pity. The impact of trauma has been lifelong for me.…
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Gifts since 2020
I’ve thought that there must be something wrong with me. I’ve lost so many people. I’ve fucked up so badly in my life and impacted so many people. Regardless of my status, no one would want to talk to me. Especially with a woman who had only an upper denture and a couple attempted implants…
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What I Remember
I think we all live different lives. Yes. Our surroundings. Our families. Our cultures. The color of our skin. Our religions or lack there of. Our education. What we eat, what we drink. And how we adapt to our surroundings, peers, families, and overall life. I believe that one of my siblings may have things…
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T/BFAO
My assignment. From my new therapist. I’m not used to homework. This is a sitting exercise. It’s supposed to help me create a more functional inner dialogue with myself. I have to determine about: What are the thoughts/beliefs? (is it true/helpful?) Move to: What are your feelings about those thoughts/beliefs? Move along to: What action…
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I Do Not Remember
I think one of the things that makes me so mad about PTSD is the memory issues. I cannot remember many periods of my life. Many years. I have blips of memories. I remember being in 1st grade. Studying the weather. I remember playing with certain friends during certain periods of time. I remember certain…
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What Would Mom & Dad Say
My podcast episode apparently ruffled some feathers. Despite not saying the direct name of the church. I gave the origin of the religion. My mom was mad at me when I said the name of the church incorrectly in a phone call. She almost slapped me across the face. I saw her reaction. I know…
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Who I Am
I’ve spent a long time identifying who I am as a victim of some fucked up circumstances. For years. I was modeled ignoring yourself and your needs, so, that was normal. I can’t exactly remember how long it’s been now, but it started out with Eric and I going to see Jason Mewes at Skyline…
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Hi! I’m Mentally Unwell. You?
I suppose I have walked around most of my life saying…. hi, I’m a victim of circumstances. Hi…. did you hear about my circumstances? Well…. let me tell you about those darned circumstances! I think I meant for it to sound how ‘badass I am… how much I have overcome’. It started to really say….…
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Basic Dignities
Life has been a complete dumpster fire for me for so long. I have been stuck in this mental purgatory that lasted so long. I didn’t understand what happened to Dianne. That took place in 1988. Then my brother Brian was diagnosed with having the RYR2 Gene Mutation (2014/2015) which (when activated) cause syncope (heart…
PTSD, My Life, My Changes 