PTSD, My Life, My Changes

Category: Self Care

  • Last night…. Next week…

    Last night, I was hanging out with a friend. It was nice. Eric was out doing what Eric does. It was nice to just relax and talk about whatever comes. I firmly believe that we both have PTSD/Complex PTSD. Other mental health issues generally are involved. Regardless, my conversation skills are never really an issue.…

  • How Did I Love? What I Understand to be Love?

    I felt deep love for my mother. Very deep. She was my everything. She fed me, groomed me, took me shopping, bought me school supplies, packed my lunch every day, she taught me about life… Generally speaking. Some things, you didn’t especially touch on. My parents were not… Affectionate. It kind of felt obligatory… What…

  • What I Remember

    I think we all live different lives. Yes. Our surroundings. Our families. Our cultures. The color of our skin. Our religions or lack there of. Our education. What we eat, what we drink. And how we adapt to our surroundings, peers, families, and overall life. I believe that one of my siblings may have things…

  • I Do Not Remember

    I think one of the things that makes me so mad about PTSD is the memory issues. I cannot remember many periods of my life. Many years. I have blips of memories. I remember being in 1st grade. Studying the weather. I remember playing with certain friends during certain periods of time. I remember certain…

  • What Would Mom & Dad Say

    My podcast episode apparently ruffled some feathers. Despite not saying the direct name of the church. I gave the origin of the religion. My mom was mad at me when I said the name of the church incorrectly in a phone call. She almost slapped me across the face. I saw her reaction. I know…

  • Who I Am

    I’ve spent a long time identifying who I am as a victim of some fucked up circumstances. For years. I was modeled ignoring yourself and your needs, so, that was normal. I can’t exactly remember how long it’s been now, but it started out with Eric and I going to see Jason Mewes at Skyline…

  • Hi! I’m Mentally Unwell. You?

    I suppose I have walked around most of my life saying…. hi, I’m a victim of circumstances. Hi…. did you hear about my circumstances? Well…. let me tell you about those darned circumstances! I think I meant for it to sound how ‘badass I am… how much I have overcome’. It started to really say….…

  • Something feels different

    I feel my life is changing, just a bit. I’m still laying in my dark bedroom, just before bed, discussing my inner thoughts. I had a very tough beginning to my weekend. I got some distressing news about my daughter and the company she keeps. I made a decision, finally. I have to let go.…

  • I am okay to be me

    Something I wrote yesterday: I’d like to share it. I am okay to be me Whoever I declare “me” to be Fraud to you, friend to me My life may not exactly look like yours Equality A hope, a dream If I am like creator, of creator – How can I be disavowed by man?…

  • No one ever asks for this

    It’s true. I never imagined myself feeling like I was going to be a 15 year old until … Probably, now? (guess how old I actually am? Hint: I’m a few decades from 15 years old.) I have been living my life feeling like I’ve had to defend myself. For making bad decisions. For disappointing…