PTSD, My Life, My Changes

Category: Self Care

  • I Wish Dianne Were Here (in person)

    I lost Dianne when I was 11 years old. It was 1988.7.5. I wouldn’t turn 12 until December. I was probably in sixth grade. I liked boys, music, early Democrat, pro choice, liked to sing, and wanted to be like Dianne. The earrings, the style, the smart, the whitty, and very largely unknown to me.…

  • So Much Content!!!

    It’s Sunday afternoon. I’m sitting here and knowing how much has happened in the last two weeks. I’ve been off work for a few weeks now, waiting for Short Term Disability to kick in. I’ve been assured that the papers have been filed. So, here I am. How did I get to this? Okay… Since…

  • I Do Not Remember

    I think one of the things that makes me so mad about PTSD is the memory issues. I cannot remember many periods of my life. Many years. I have blips of memories. I remember being in 1st grade. Studying the weather. I remember playing with certain friends during certain periods of time. I remember certain…

  • What Would Mom & Dad Say

    My podcast episode apparently ruffled some feathers. Despite not saying the direct name of the church. I gave the origin of the religion. My mom was mad at me when I said the name of the church incorrectly in a phone call. She almost slapped me across the face. I saw her reaction. I know…

  • Who I Am

    I’ve spent a long time identifying who I am as a victim of some fucked up circumstances. For years. I was modeled ignoring yourself and your needs, so, that was normal. I can’t exactly remember how long it’s been now, but it started out with Eric and I going to see Jason Mewes at Skyline…

  • Hi! I’m Mentally Unwell. You?

    I suppose I have walked around most of my life saying…. hi, I’m a victim of circumstances. Hi…. did you hear about my circumstances? Well…. let me tell you about those darned circumstances! I think I meant for it to sound how ‘badass I am… how much I have overcome’. It started to really say….…

  • Something feels different

    I feel my life is changing, just a bit. I’m still laying in my dark bedroom, just before bed, discussing my inner thoughts. I had a very tough beginning to my weekend. I got some distressing news about my daughter and the company she keeps. I made a decision, finally. I have to let go.…

  • I am okay to be me

    Something I wrote yesterday: I’d like to share it. I am okay to be me Whoever I declare “me” to be Fraud to you, friend to me My life may not exactly look like yours Equality A hope, a dream If I am like creator, of creator – How can I be disavowed by man?…

  • No one ever asks for this

    It’s true. I never imagined myself feeling like I was going to be a 15 year old until … Probably, now? (guess how old I actually am? Hint: I’m a few decades from 15 years old.) I have been living my life feeling like I’ve had to defend myself. For making bad decisions. For disappointing…

  • Saying Goodbye, Saying Hello.. (Again)

    I have been trying to evaluate things. My life. What’s important to me. Who I am, exactly. I came to a deep reflection today about myself. I’m not living my life. I’m living my life remembering bad things and relating them to experiences in my current life. I don’t see things around me and I…