PTSD, My Life, My Changes

Category: Identity

  • Last night…. Next week…

    Last night, I was hanging out with a friend. It was nice. Eric was out doing what Eric does. It was nice to just relax and talk about whatever comes. I firmly believe that we both have PTSD/Complex PTSD. Other mental health issues generally are involved. Regardless, my conversation skills are never really an issue.…

  • How Did I Love? What I Understand to be Love?

    I felt deep love for my mother. Very deep. She was my everything. She fed me, groomed me, took me shopping, bought me school supplies, packed my lunch every day, she taught me about life… Generally speaking. Some things, you didn’t especially touch on. My parents were not… Affectionate. It kind of felt obligatory… What…

  • Gifts since 2020

    I’ve thought that there must be something wrong with me. I’ve lost so many people. I’ve fucked up so badly in my life and impacted so many people. Regardless of my status, no one would want to talk to me. Especially with a woman who had only an upper denture and a couple attempted implants…

  • What I Remember

    I think we all live different lives. Yes. Our surroundings. Our families. Our cultures. The color of our skin. Our religions or lack there of. Our education. What we eat, what we drink. And how we adapt to our surroundings, peers, families, and overall life. I believe that one of my siblings may have things…

  • T/BFAO

    My assignment. From my new therapist. I’m not used to homework. This is a sitting exercise. It’s supposed to help me create a more functional inner dialogue with myself. I have to determine about: What are the thoughts/beliefs? (is it true/helpful?) Move to: What are your feelings about those thoughts/beliefs? Move along to: What action…

  • What Would Mom & Dad Say

    My podcast episode apparently ruffled some feathers. Despite not saying the direct name of the church. I gave the origin of the religion. My mom was mad at me when I said the name of the church incorrectly in a phone call. She almost slapped me across the face. I saw her reaction. I know…

  • Basic Dignities

    Life has been a complete dumpster fire for me for so long. I have been stuck in this mental purgatory that lasted so long. I didn’t understand what happened to Dianne. That took place in 1988. Then my brother Brian was diagnosed with having the RYR2 Gene Mutation (2014/2015) which (when activated) cause syncope (heart…

  • I’m Learning… I’m Listening

    At my age, one would think that my childhood wouldn’t bother me so much. And, in fairness, it’s not bothering me as much as it used to. I’m looking around. Taking in the spaces around me and what they really are. They’re not a threat. There’s not someone looking at me funny or talking about…

  • To My Core

    I think after I stopped seeing my last therapist and the fuckery with Ashleigh was discovered, I broke a bit. Again. I do think that this time might be different. I have needed to come to a realization that I’m worth so much more. I’m worth being outside. Participating in life. Buying myself little things.…

  • No one ever asks for this

    It’s true. I never imagined myself feeling like I was going to be a 15 year old until … Probably, now? (guess how old I actually am? Hint: I’m a few decades from 15 years old.) I have been living my life feeling like I’ve had to defend myself. For making bad decisions. For disappointing…