Category: Confidence
-
Learning to be Different
I grew up with this idea of going to school and then continuing that schooling to become professional. Going to church. Getting married to that church guy/girl. And making babies. That’s the standard course. Try to have this viewpoint of having it together. All the while being a complete hot mess. My mom tried. And…
-
Learning to Grow – Up
If I close my eyes, I can envision a place that doesn’t exist right now. A peaceful place. Even serene. The children I had being “normal” children. And my husband and I being “normal parents/normal partners”. Whenever I close my eyes, I see the beach. The shore. The waves rolling over the rocks and the…
-
Week from Hell
My monsters are probably different than yours. Likelier a VERY tame representation of what a monster might look like. My monster looks like a well put together male or female, young or old, informed and uninformed citizen. They could be anything from a doctor, cna, food service worker, retail, or teacher. Anywhere in between. You’d…
-
I Try Too Hard
As a teenager, I had no idea how to be normal. I liked the bands I liked, and got ridiculed for it. I remember my uncle Lenny coming to our home to do some renovations. I was listening to music that apparently he didn’t like. He got upset with me and told me to turn…
-
Healing an Ever Broken Heart
When Darrian was alive, still – I felt like I had the opportunity to be the mother I wanted to be. With Ashleigh in near full psychotic swing at times, we’d all have to sacrifice being “normal” and attend to her issues. It was just how the dynamic had been. Now, in my life, I…
-
Not Hiding Anymore
For years, I’ve been trying to hide from Ashleigh. PTSD in full swing. Trying to make sense of the past in all of its glory. I witnessed and tried to help Ashleigh with everything that I had. Eric did as well. Mind you, as parents, we weren’t capable of understanding what we were faced with.…
-
Let ME Talk About Sex
Let me tell you something about me. I’m going to be very open about something I’ve never really been open about before. Please bare with me. This is NOT an easy topic for me. As a kid, sex seemed to be a topic that was left to the fifth grade classroom. It was dirty, it…
-
Something New
It all seems so surreal. As if it’s not me, but I know it is. My world feels absolutely upside down. I’m finding my voice again. I’ve begun to realize, despite saying it all these years that I’m not the sum of my parts. I’ve held on to this anger from so very long ago.…
-
Strangest Feelings
I’ve come to a crossroads in my life. I’m nearing 45 years old and I’m an empty nester. My husband just recently quit smoking cigarettes – so, that’s happened. We’ve had improvements to our home including getting the electricity in our home updated, insulation in the basement, outer home lined with dirt and rocks to…
-
Learning Cont’d
Damn. I guess I can only start by saying when I first started blogging I was so lost. I was so confused. And I was MEGA Angry. Life seemed to keep stuffing me down the shitter every turn I made. If I hadn’t gotten through an entire turn… that’s okay! Life would find a way…
Learning about Me 