I began to realize lately that: Everyday, I’m terrified by the world around me.

Okay: I’m going to unpack this

Are you ready?

Did that person or persons look at me? Did they think a negative thought about me? Is that person (s) talking about me? I look awful, I feel awful. I want to disappear. I hate myself. I’m not good enough. I have to try harder. Don’t laugh so loud. Don’t be too much. Did I say something to offend them? Are they angry at me? Do I smell bad? No one cares about me. I might as well disappear. I will never have the things I would like. I will never be able to be happy. I just want to go back to bed. Oooh! Did I not react right? Did they mean to offend me? Do they think I’m stupid? Maybe I am stupid. I’ll never fit into jeans again. Why didn’t I put that ice cream down? Or the last six. Why did I have to say me first words “Bring Twinkies.”? (and adult me got mad at hostess for going out of business). I hate my body. People judge me. People hate me. Why would people hate me? What did I do? I didn’t have the right stuff, car, clothes, shop at the right stores. I’m horrible with motivation. Why can’t I just get up?  Do something? Anything…. I can’t learn, my brain shuts down. My comprehension sucks. I forget so many things. And… As always….

Get better by tomorrow. You have to go to work.