I left one of my jobs in a bad way, many years ago. I wanted to tell my hotel boss this when I eventually sit down for my annual review. I suffered, badly. My ex husband was at this point in time a horrible father. He’d sleep, keep the doorknobs to the bedrooms tied together since they were across the short hallway from one another so he could sleep. He’d randomly toss ketchup packets in to our daughter when she got “hungry”. So, someone who suffers from PTSD and Major Depression getting a certain phone call at a travel company she once worked at .. the customer threatening to deprive children of food until “I” changed their reservation. At that time, I had to put the customer on mute while I cried. He refused to allow me to call the hotel (something my prior job would have required me to do to confirm his complaints. And when a customer is refusing to be put on hold, there is nothing you can do except be yelled at), and so I heard the maybe ten young children say hello to me while he told me these threatening words. After that shift, I think I had been broken. Prior to this night I had worked full time and went to a technical college part time, then switched part time work to full time school. All the while raising two children with the help of my now husband. I was undergoing stress with Ashleigh, with the eventual diagnosis of BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), her younger sister Darrian, my marriage that at the time was falling apart, my lack of time at home, my dissatisfaction with my job and economic poverty, etc. I was a mess. So while after that shift, I took my family to Upper Michigan where my dad lived and when I came back to Wisconsin, I never went back to that job. They called me, and called me. I never answered. Why? Because they didn’t know that the one call would lead me to anxiety and depression that would take years to manage to get through. When I would recall the story of that one call after that, I would cry. It was heart wrenching to me. Not because of what HE did, but because of what my ex husband did that I never got through (to that point). I was beyond angry with the caller for the level of manipulation that he had harnessed to get his way. Proof that Kevin Smith is right… in part. (Mallrats) The customer is always an asshole. In this case, DEFINITELY! He didn’t get his way with me though. He eventually hung up on me during that shift, that fateful night. And eventually got another representative. I eventually was approved for social security and life moved forward. Sort of.

Eventually Ashleigh went into foster care. The relationships I had were unable to be nurtured for one reason or another. The only intense relationship outside of my husband was my very professional therapist. It never passed the professional boundaries. I just saw her EVERY week. I ended up having a cardiac arrest, my youngest daughter died, and once Ashleigh was out of foster care she was on her own, homeless, had children… etc. A lot had changed. And over time, I had changed. Something I didn’t know how to deal with. A lot of my dealings were my own sadness for what I had lost. (A common thread over the course of my life)

FYI: Not everything written on this page is what I’d tell my boss. I’d condense this down as well as I could without seeming too… needy. It’s just for sake of history and new to me references that I say this much.

I eventually, after losing Darrian, got tired of sitting at home and having my pity party. After about a year after Darrian died, I started coming to myself again. I wanted to work again so I could have a change of scenery and maybe have relationships that I could begin so I could feel more whole. I did get a temporary job through DVR at a thrift store in Green Bay. The job was for six weeks and then after that, I’d have to look for my own job. And now I’d have something to list on my resume. And a great reference.

I was sad once the job ended. My bosses that trained me and my coworkers were pretty cool. I enjoyed the banter I had. Though I can honestly tell you I’m sick to death of matching cards with envelopes that had gotten donated. I was told by the DVR counselor that there would be a job seekers / employers looking for employees meet and greet thing. I’m not sure what it’s called. Anyway, I went and got one potential. A hotel from Green Bay was looking for someone part time for their banquet area. I applied there, and another hotel called Aloft. I got offered both jobs eventually and although I figured Aloft was a long shot at best, I had to think it over. Eventually I agreed to giving Aloft a shot.

I remember walking into the entrance of Aloft and thinking, there is no way in hell I’m getting this job. This place is so nice, cool, and fun looking. Oh well, do your best anyway. Elizabeth sat down with me and was really nice and made me feel at ease. When I got the job, I was excited. Here’s where it gets interesting and what I tell my boss during my review…. if I choose to tell her.

When I first came here, my attitude sucked. Granted, you didn’t see it. I tried to be positive when I came to work so that I could offer up the best of me. I apologized to my supervisors and to you if I became too… direct. The way I communicate sometimes isn’t the best with supervisors because I’m rather friendly with lack of formality. It’s just how I am. You’ve never corrected me for it though. You’re welcome to. I know the job that I do and eventually the jobs that I do here at the hotel aren’t necessarily the most sought after for a certain percentage of the population, but I have pride in what I do. Maybe why it takes me longer to clean rooms. I want things to be perfect for our guests. Even when I started out in laundry, I reminded myself that… no laundry? No business. So what I did, mattered. Always.

When I started, I was scatterbrained and expected myself to do everything in a single bound. Like a super hero of laundry. When Jill started seeing me go off the rails, she checked in and talked me down. My coworkers have been supportive and wonderful. And I like who I work with. Which led me to feel more capable, eventually. The combination of feeling like I was doing something important and liking my job surroundings led me to feel capable as a human being. And you and the other staff have helped me find that in myself. Since the days working at that prior customer service job, I’d never felt competent … at least after that one phone call. Being here helped me find that in me, again. And now I’m off social security completely and I can’t say that it would not have been without your help, Jill’s help. And everyone who has helped me forge my path here. So thank you.

I cannot fathom not working at Aloft for now. I can’t say I’ll always be there. And I’m not saying that I’ll always have the same needs that I do right now – career wise. They have been there for me when I needed them.

Since I started my second job, I’ve been told by the woman that referred me that the boss told her I was a Great Referral! Although compliments are hard for me to believe, it’s wonderful to know that I have a competitive edge if I chose to go to the temporary employer full time.

That’s another story for another day…..

Thank you for reading,

Love,

Me