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Feelings about Me & The Future
It has been an extraordinary adventure. I’m fourty (murmurs random number) years old. I’ve been dealing with PTSD largely since I was 11 years old. My feelings were large and I had no one to really help me unpack them. Go to the therapist my mom says. Her therapist. Karen. I didn’t want her. I…
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What IS PTSD? How Do I Have It?
PTSD hasn’t been recognized for that long, clinically. PTSD is recognized globally as a Mental Health Diagnosis. It’s become part of the DSM in the United States in the 1980’s. Although it’s been described for approximately 3000 years. According to Herodotus’ description of an Athenian soldier that became blind after the Battle of Marathon in…
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Criminal/Bad/Evil/Unusual/Ugly Behavior
I think everyone throughout time (mostly) that experienced trauma (abuse, neglect, incest/molestation/rape, crime, poverty…. etc), people will find a way to adapt. Positively or negatively. I like choose your own adventure books. I like the opportunity to be a woman and to be able to use her voice. I like that I have the freedom…
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Tying it all together
My life is a complicated mess. Tying together the family dysfunction, the RYR2 gene mutation, my rebelliousness, and the IALC (Independent Apostolic Lutheran Church – or Laestadianism.) My family (or at least four generations back) came from Finland. Lars Levi Laestadius created this religion called Laestadianism. It’s Lutheran. IALC is founded with the ideas of…
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Learning to be Different
I grew up with this idea of going to school and then continuing that schooling to become professional. Going to church. Getting married to that church guy/girl. And making babies. That’s the standard course. Try to have this viewpoint of having it together. All the while being a complete hot mess. My mom tried. And…
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First Time – Shock & Trauma
Lately I feel like I’ve been coming apart at the seams. Considering I sew for a living – that’s pretty funny. (HA!) Aaaanyway… therapy is helping and it’s breaking things up for me. I’m feeling things I hadn’t thought about or dealt with properly. It’s removing them from their previously organized place and caused some…
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Social Struggles & Self Reflection
It’s been a few weeks since I’ve been in therapy. I’ve done a number of cool things since the last time I blogged. I walked on a trail (not exactly close to my house – but within driving distance) with Roux and had a blast. I also took a number of bike rides with Eric…
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I Try Too Hard
As a teenager, I had no idea how to be normal. I liked the bands I liked, and got ridiculed for it. I remember my uncle Lenny coming to our home to do some renovations. I was listening to music that apparently he didn’t like. He got upset with me and told me to turn…
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Louise Belcher, Church, and I
In season 7, episode 1 of Bob’s Burgers, the family unfortunately all take turns (to some extent) distort or destroy Louise favorite toy. Kuchi Kopi. A.K.A: Her doo dee buddy. After she lays down and the family all return her toy (knowing she’ll be uber angry) When Louise sees Kuchi Kopi in his new form…
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Not Hiding Anymore
For years, I’ve been trying to hide from Ashleigh. PTSD in full swing. Trying to make sense of the past in all of its glory. I witnessed and tried to help Ashleigh with everything that I had. Eric did as well. Mind you, as parents, we weren’t capable of understanding what we were faced with.…
PTSD, My Life, My Changes 