PTSD, My Life, My Changes

Category: Relationships

  • Gifts since 2020

    I’ve thought that there must be something wrong with me. I’ve lost so many people. I’ve fucked up so badly in my life and impacted so many people. Regardless of my status, no one would want to talk to me. Especially with a woman who had only an upper denture and a couple attempted implants…

  • What I Remember

    I think we all live different lives. Yes. Our surroundings. Our families. Our cultures. The color of our skin. Our religions or lack there of. Our education. What we eat, what we drink. And how we adapt to our surroundings, peers, families, and overall life. I believe that one of my siblings may have things…

  • I Do Not Remember

    I think one of the things that makes me so mad about PTSD is the memory issues. I cannot remember many periods of my life. Many years. I have blips of memories. I remember being in 1st grade. Studying the weather. I remember playing with certain friends during certain periods of time. I remember certain…

  • Who I Am

    I’ve spent a long time identifying who I am as a victim of some fucked up circumstances. For years. I was modeled ignoring yourself and your needs, so, that was normal. I can’t exactly remember how long it’s been now, but it started out with Eric and I going to see Jason Mewes at Skyline…

  • Hi! I’m Mentally Unwell. You?

    I suppose I have walked around most of my life saying…. hi, I’m a victim of circumstances. Hi…. did you hear about my circumstances? Well…. let me tell you about those darned circumstances! I think I meant for it to sound how ‘badass I am… how much I have overcome’. It started to really say….…

  • Basic Dignities

    Life has been a complete dumpster fire for me for so long. I have been stuck in this mental purgatory that lasted so long. I didn’t understand what happened to Dianne. That took place in 1988. Then my brother Brian was diagnosed with having the RYR2 Gene Mutation (2014/2015) which (when activated) cause syncope (heart…

  • I’m Learning… I’m Listening

    At my age, one would think that my childhood wouldn’t bother me so much. And, in fairness, it’s not bothering me as much as it used to. I’m looking around. Taking in the spaces around me and what they really are. They’re not a threat. There’s not someone looking at me funny or talking about…

  • Letting Go…. Not 15 Years Old Anymore

    I’ve had PTSD for quite a while now. I guess I didn’t realize how my brain changed during my traumatic experiences growing up. And after I grew up… (*kinda*) I have always wanted to be better than I was. Thinking that I was still 15 years old, I saw everyone as not liking me. Or…

  • 5/18/25. I am finally enough

    I look at myself now, and I see things differently. When I was a teenager, I was allowed to do things I should never have done. I made choices to avoid being alone. And my ability to determine who was safe and was not, I had no ability to sense. I saw a very small…

  • Safety – Feeling Denied (Until I Left)

    I hated what the Upper Peninsula of Michigan represented as a kid. Many people from outside of that area looked at it as … well, undeveloped and people were hicks. Drink beer, go to jail, sing stupid songs, go to deer camp, and lose MANY MANY IQ points in the process. I didn’t feel like…