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It’s Happening!
Mental illness is a blocking of the self. It is the most isolating experience one can feel. Coupled with death, loss of family and friends, coupled with loss of faith. My depression feels like this conversation. (MI = Mental Illness speaking, ME = Me without the mental illness) MI: You’re a terrible person. Me: Why…
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Week from Hell
My monsters are probably different than yours. Likelier a VERY tame representation of what a monster might look like. My monster looks like a well put together male or female, young or old, informed and uninformed citizen. They could be anything from a doctor, cna, food service worker, retail, or teacher. Anywhere in between. You’d…
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I Try Too Hard
As a teenager, I had no idea how to be normal. I liked the bands I liked, and got ridiculed for it. I remember my uncle Lenny coming to our home to do some renovations. I was listening to music that apparently he didn’t like. He got upset with me and told me to turn…
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Not Hiding Anymore
For years, I’ve been trying to hide from Ashleigh. PTSD in full swing. Trying to make sense of the past in all of its glory. I witnessed and tried to help Ashleigh with everything that I had. Eric did as well. Mind you, as parents, we weren’t capable of understanding what we were faced with.…
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I’m Trying to Understand
Without a doubt, life is almost a never ending series of complications and general acceptances of what has come to pass. I have tried to be extraordinarily rational about why, but extremely judgmental about my inability to make change in my life. Much of the time, I get in my own way. And sometimes, trying…
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Let ME Talk About Sex
Let me tell you something about me. I’m going to be very open about something I’ve never really been open about before. Please bare with me. This is NOT an easy topic for me. As a kid, sex seemed to be a topic that was left to the fifth grade classroom. It was dirty, it…
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Something New
It all seems so surreal. As if it’s not me, but I know it is. My world feels absolutely upside down. I’m finding my voice again. I’ve begun to realize, despite saying it all these years that I’m not the sum of my parts. I’ve held on to this anger from so very long ago.…
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Learning Cont’d
Damn. I guess I can only start by saying when I first started blogging I was so lost. I was so confused. And I was MEGA Angry. Life seemed to keep stuffing me down the shitter every turn I made. If I hadn’t gotten through an entire turn… that’s okay! Life would find a way…
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Victimization Review
I believe that it’s really difficult to change a mind set. I was a victim, but now I’m a survivor. There are still times where I revert back into victim mode. Poor me, look at how I suffered. Instead of making circumstances in my life to define me, I’m walking a better truth. Despite all…
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Resilience for an Upcoming New Year
Let’s be honest with ourselves, this year has been challenging since the Covid-19 virus began. None of us are quite unchanged from the process. We all know who we are. For me, nothing is farther from the truth. I’ve spent a lifetime feeling like no one really knew who I was. Or even rationale behind…
PTSD, My Life, My Changes 