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Well, This is Odd….
Friday night, I was in my kitchen – as I often am. I was drinking my cup of coffee and had a moment. Eric has remarked from time to time that he smells cigarette smoke in the house when I’m gone. Neither one of us smoke, so it’s odd. Eric and I are firm believers…
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Learning to be Different
I grew up with this idea of going to school and then continuing that schooling to become professional. Going to church. Getting married to that church guy/girl. And making babies. That’s the standard course. Try to have this viewpoint of having it together. All the while being a complete hot mess. My mom tried. And…
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First Time – Shock & Trauma
Lately I feel like I’ve been coming apart at the seams. Considering I sew for a living – that’s pretty funny. (HA!) Aaaanyway… therapy is helping and it’s breaking things up for me. I’m feeling things I hadn’t thought about or dealt with properly. It’s removing them from their previously organized place and caused some…
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Social Struggles & Self Reflection
It’s been a few weeks since I’ve been in therapy. I’ve done a number of cool things since the last time I blogged. I walked on a trail (not exactly close to my house – but within driving distance) with Roux and had a blast. I also took a number of bike rides with Eric…
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It’s Happening!
Mental illness is a blocking of the self. It is the most isolating experience one can feel. Coupled with death, loss of family and friends, coupled with loss of faith. My depression feels like this conversation. (MI = Mental Illness speaking, ME = Me without the mental illness) MI: You’re a terrible person. Me: Why…
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Week from Hell
My monsters are probably different than yours. Likelier a VERY tame representation of what a monster might look like. My monster looks like a well put together male or female, young or old, informed and uninformed citizen. They could be anything from a doctor, cna, food service worker, retail, or teacher. Anywhere in between. You’d…
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I Try Too Hard
As a teenager, I had no idea how to be normal. I liked the bands I liked, and got ridiculed for it. I remember my uncle Lenny coming to our home to do some renovations. I was listening to music that apparently he didn’t like. He got upset with me and told me to turn…
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Not Hiding Anymore
For years, I’ve been trying to hide from Ashleigh. PTSD in full swing. Trying to make sense of the past in all of its glory. I witnessed and tried to help Ashleigh with everything that I had. Eric did as well. Mind you, as parents, we weren’t capable of understanding what we were faced with.…
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I’m Trying to Understand
Without a doubt, life is almost a never ending series of complications and general acceptances of what has come to pass. I have tried to be extraordinarily rational about why, but extremely judgmental about my inability to make change in my life. Much of the time, I get in my own way. And sometimes, trying…
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Let ME Talk About Sex
Let me tell you something about me. I’m going to be very open about something I’ve never really been open about before. Please bare with me. This is NOT an easy topic for me. As a kid, sex seemed to be a topic that was left to the fifth grade classroom. It was dirty, it…
PTSD, My Life, My Changes 