-
Well, This is Odd….
Friday night, I was in my kitchen – as I often am. I was drinking my cup of coffee and had a moment. Eric has remarked from time to time that he smells cigarette smoke in the house when I’m gone. Neither one of us smoke, so it’s odd. Eric and I are firm believers…
-
Learning to be Different
I grew up with this idea of going to school and then continuing that schooling to become professional. Going to church. Getting married to that church guy/girl. And making babies. That’s the standard course. Try to have this viewpoint of having it together. All the while being a complete hot mess. My mom tried. And…
-
Social Struggles & Self Reflection
It’s been a few weeks since I’ve been in therapy. I’ve done a number of cool things since the last time I blogged. I walked on a trail (not exactly close to my house – but within driving distance) with Roux and had a blast. I also took a number of bike rides with Eric…
-
Learning to Grow – Up
If I close my eyes, I can envision a place that doesn’t exist right now. A peaceful place. Even serene. The children I had being “normal” children. And my husband and I being “normal parents/normal partners”. Whenever I close my eyes, I see the beach. The shore. The waves rolling over the rocks and the…
-
Week from Hell
My monsters are probably different than yours. Likelier a VERY tame representation of what a monster might look like. My monster looks like a well put together male or female, young or old, informed and uninformed citizen. They could be anything from a doctor, cna, food service worker, retail, or teacher. Anywhere in between. You’d…
-
Louise Belcher, Church, and I
In season 7, episode 1 of Bob’s Burgers, the family unfortunately all take turns (to some extent) distort or destroy Louise favorite toy. Kuchi Kopi. A.K.A: Her doo dee buddy. After she lays down and the family all return her toy (knowing she’ll be uber angry) When Louise sees Kuchi Kopi in his new form…
-
For Some Reason
I don’t precisely understand why, for some reason I’ve always felt like words were important. And that my words mattered. That someone would read what I said and would repeat it back to someone, like all the wise people we’ve quoted in the past. Whether it would be Dr. Seuss, Martin Luther King Jr, Oprah,…
-
Healing an Ever Broken Heart
When Darrian was alive, still – I felt like I had the opportunity to be the mother I wanted to be. With Ashleigh in near full psychotic swing at times, we’d all have to sacrifice being “normal” and attend to her issues. It was just how the dynamic had been. Now, in my life, I…
-
Not Hiding Anymore
For years, I’ve been trying to hide from Ashleigh. PTSD in full swing. Trying to make sense of the past in all of its glory. I witnessed and tried to help Ashleigh with everything that I had. Eric did as well. Mind you, as parents, we weren’t capable of understanding what we were faced with.…
-
I’m Trying to Understand
Without a doubt, life is almost a never ending series of complications and general acceptances of what has come to pass. I have tried to be extraordinarily rational about why, but extremely judgmental about my inability to make change in my life. Much of the time, I get in my own way. And sometimes, trying…
PTSD, My Life, My Changes 