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Learning to Grow – Up
If I close my eyes, I can envision a place that doesn’t exist right now. A peaceful place. Even serene. The children I had being “normal” children. And my husband and I being “normal parents/normal partners”. Whenever I close my eyes, I see the beach. The shore. The waves rolling over the rocks and the…
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Week from Hell
My monsters are probably different than yours. Likelier a VERY tame representation of what a monster might look like. My monster looks like a well put together male or female, young or old, informed and uninformed citizen. They could be anything from a doctor, cna, food service worker, retail, or teacher. Anywhere in between. You’d…
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Louise Belcher, Church, and I
In season 7, episode 1 of Bob’s Burgers, the family unfortunately all take turns (to some extent) distort or destroy Louise favorite toy. Kuchi Kopi. A.K.A: Her doo dee buddy. After she lays down and the family all return her toy (knowing she’ll be uber angry) When Louise sees Kuchi Kopi in his new form…
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For Some Reason
I don’t precisely understand why, for some reason I’ve always felt like words were important. And that my words mattered. That someone would read what I said and would repeat it back to someone, like all the wise people we’ve quoted in the past. Whether it would be Dr. Seuss, Martin Luther King Jr, Oprah,…
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Healing an Ever Broken Heart
When Darrian was alive, still – I felt like I had the opportunity to be the mother I wanted to be. With Ashleigh in near full psychotic swing at times, we’d all have to sacrifice being “normal” and attend to her issues. It was just how the dynamic had been. Now, in my life, I…
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Not Hiding Anymore
For years, I’ve been trying to hide from Ashleigh. PTSD in full swing. Trying to make sense of the past in all of its glory. I witnessed and tried to help Ashleigh with everything that I had. Eric did as well. Mind you, as parents, we weren’t capable of understanding what we were faced with.…
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I’m Trying to Understand
Without a doubt, life is almost a never ending series of complications and general acceptances of what has come to pass. I have tried to be extraordinarily rational about why, but extremely judgmental about my inability to make change in my life. Much of the time, I get in my own way. And sometimes, trying…
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Something New
It all seems so surreal. As if it’s not me, but I know it is. My world feels absolutely upside down. I’m finding my voice again. I’ve begun to realize, despite saying it all these years that I’m not the sum of my parts. I’ve held on to this anger from so very long ago.…
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Strangest Feelings
I’ve come to a crossroads in my life. I’m nearing 45 years old and I’m an empty nester. My husband just recently quit smoking cigarettes – so, that’s happened. We’ve had improvements to our home including getting the electricity in our home updated, insulation in the basement, outer home lined with dirt and rocks to…
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Learning Cont’d
Damn. I guess I can only start by saying when I first started blogging I was so lost. I was so confused. And I was MEGA Angry. Life seemed to keep stuffing me down the shitter every turn I made. If I hadn’t gotten through an entire turn… that’s okay! Life would find a way…
PTSD, My Life, My Changes 