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#twoyearstoFinland
I suppose I should explain a few things. I thought I had my thought process together. Apparently I don’t. I’ll try to wrap things up. So… here goes. I’ve been fighting to get through my feelings of inadequacy and I’ve found a modicum of success. My husband and I have been dealing with some of…
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Rebounding from Trauma
My experience with trauma is that it can take forever to get passed. If you can find a way to address it at all. I am an advocate for mental health awareness and treatment. I absolutely recommend therapy as well as psychiatry. I feel like I’ve lived in the shadow of a fifteen year old…
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Social Struggles & Self Reflection
It’s been a few weeks since I’ve been in therapy. I’ve done a number of cool things since the last time I blogged. I walked on a trail (not exactly close to my house – but within driving distance) with Roux and had a blast. I also took a number of bike rides with Eric…
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Learning to Grow – Up
If I close my eyes, I can envision a place that doesn’t exist right now. A peaceful place. Even serene. The children I had being “normal” children. And my husband and I being “normal parents/normal partners”. Whenever I close my eyes, I see the beach. The shore. The waves rolling over the rocks and the…
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It’s Happening!
Mental illness is a blocking of the self. It is the most isolating experience one can feel. Coupled with death, loss of family and friends, coupled with loss of faith. My depression feels like this conversation. (MI = Mental Illness speaking, ME = Me without the mental illness) MI: You’re a terrible person. Me: Why…
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Freedom of Thought
In the faith I grew up in, it was identified that you were either with us or you were against us. You were a believer or an unbeliever. There was no middle ground. So, black and white thinking. Black and white thinking is comforting – if the simplicity of it is all that you seek.…
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When I Left
To me, the decision was basic. I wasn’t seeing myself as accepted into the fold, therefore – I left the church. Yet I didn’t just leave the church. Once I left the Independent Apostolic Lutheran Church, I was alone. Respectfully alone. And I had always been proud of the fact that I am Finnish. And…
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Week from Hell
My monsters are probably different than yours. Likelier a VERY tame representation of what a monster might look like. My monster looks like a well put together male or female, young or old, informed and uninformed citizen. They could be anything from a doctor, cna, food service worker, retail, or teacher. Anywhere in between. You’d…
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I Try Too Hard
As a teenager, I had no idea how to be normal. I liked the bands I liked, and got ridiculed for it. I remember my uncle Lenny coming to our home to do some renovations. I was listening to music that apparently he didn’t like. He got upset with me and told me to turn…
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Jumalan Terve (God’s Greetings)
I was raised in what was called Independent Finnish Apostolic Lutheran Church. Now it’s just Independent Apostolic Lutheran (probably to be more inclusive ….) Yes, as a child it was my responsibility to go to church with my family. I still have free will, so I don’t have to choose to enjoy it. I want…