Learning about Me

September 23, 2024

I’m Trying to Remember My Life

There are times where I feel insignificant. I think that is pretty much most of the time. I think it’s safe to say that I disappeared when I was 14 to about 18 years old. My mom became medically unavailable in my Freshman year of High School. Looking at the National Institute of Mental Health…

September 13, 2024

I’m remembering…

I asked my husband tonight. Am I worthy of respect? He looks at me and says, of course. Do you feel like you deserve respect? My response: maybe a little. He was kind of surprised. I never ever thought I had thought even a morsel of me deserved respect. I was treated very well by…

August 18, 2024

I’m a Darlene

You know how some people compare themselves to the sex in the city series? Well, I’m more obese and definitely as skeptical. (Roseanne/ The Conners) I’ve been watching the series since its inception. I’ve watched those kids grow up when I was a kid. I wanted to have the pain in the ass yet complicated…

July 18, 2024

When Mommy’s and Daddy’s …..

love each other…. a woman will feel a deep and soulful connection to each other. They will caress, breathe heavily and in your ear, they will then whisper … okay, this is your week. And then the penis sldes into … well… I went a little far with that. Sorry…. So, Once Upon a Time…

June 22, 2024

Where Am I?

Good question. I’m here, I think. Trying to understand… Myself. Who I’ve started to become. I don’t think people (some more than others) realize how difficult it is to explain to someone how you feel. How awful and miserable it is. You convey the desperation of your situation and how it just feels neverending. It…

May 31, 2024

Negaunee, Michigan May 24-26, 2024

This is me. I’m 40 something years old. I’ve lived a life that … well, kind of sucks and is kind of enchanted. I’ve loved. I’ve lost. I’ve gained. I’ve learned. And most of all (and most importantly), I’m learning to move on. That picture was just taken today while I was on Lake Michigan…

May 3, 2024

Feelings about Me & The Future

It has been an extraordinary adventure. I’m fourty (murmurs random number) years old. I’ve been dealing with PTSD largely since I was 11 years old. My feelings were large and I had no one to really help me unpack them. Go to the therapist my mom says. Her therapist. Karen. I didn’t want her. I…

April 20, 2024

I Might Be My Age

The last few weeks have been rough. Well, the last……. lots of years have been tough. I can honestly say that I haven’t participated much. Sure, I’ve worked. I’ve worked hard. I’ve done work at home. I’ve been trying to be more present. In my relationships and in my world. I’ve tried to realize what…

March 29, 2024

What IS PTSD? How Do I Have It?

PTSD hasn’t been recognized for that long, clinically. PTSD is recognized globally as a Mental Health Diagnosis. It’s become part of the DSM in the United States in the 1980’s. Although it’s been described for approximately 3000 years. According to Herodotus’ description of an Athenian soldier that became blind after the Battle of Marathon in…

March 9, 2024

Criminal/Bad/Evil/Unusual/Ugly Behavior

I think everyone throughout time (mostly) that experienced trauma (abuse, neglect, incest/molestation/rape, crime, poverty…. etc), people will find a way to adapt. Positively or negatively. I like choose your own adventure books. I like the opportunity to be a woman and to be able to use her voice. I like that I have the freedom…