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Strangest Feelings
I’ve come to a crossroads in my life. I’m nearing 45 years old and I’m an empty nester. My husband just recently quit smoking cigarettes – so, that’s happened. We’ve had improvements to our home including getting the electricity in our home updated, insulation in the basement, outer home lined with dirt and rocks to…
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T/BFAO
My assignment. From my new therapist. I’m not used to homework. This is a sitting exercise. It’s supposed to help me create a more functional inner dialogue with myself. I have to determine about: What are the thoughts/beliefs? (is it true/helpful?) Move to: What are your feelings about those thoughts/beliefs? Move along to: What action…
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I Do Not Remember
I think one of the things that makes me so mad about PTSD is the memory issues. I cannot remember many periods of my life. Many years. I have blips of memories. I remember being in 1st grade. Studying the weather. I remember playing with certain friends during certain periods of time. I remember certain…
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Strength Costs
The expectation of strength comes at a cost sometimes. For example: with the gene mutation (RYR2), it’s recommended not to get too stressed or over exert. I don’t think anyone really knows how hard it is to be a person and not to do more than they should. Having mental health issues and a past…
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What Would Mom & Dad Say
My podcast episode apparently ruffled some feathers. Despite not saying the direct name of the church. I gave the origin of the religion. My mom was mad at me when I said the name of the church incorrectly in a phone call. She almost slapped me across the face. I saw her reaction. I know…
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Who I Am
I’ve spent a long time identifying who I am as a victim of some fucked up circumstances. For years. I was modeled ignoring yourself and your needs, so, that was normal. I can’t exactly remember how long it’s been now, but it started out with Eric and I going to see Jason Mewes at Skyline…
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New Therapist: Similar thoughts, kind of..
I just had to stop seeing my therapist through my employee assistance program. For a program that is offered through my employee, I was blessed! I’ve worked for larger companies (by far) and gotten less personal, less personalized care and consideration for my stress and life. I was beyond impressed. I will miss her. (My…
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Every day…..
I’m really struggling every day. I go to work before the sun rises. I get to work and do my job without issue. Hardly anyone speaks to me during the day. I feel like I’m sitting in my bedroom as a 15 year old kid. Mind you, I’m not easy into consideration. First off, what…
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I Think, for Tonight…
It’s hard to walk around angry. It’s hard to feel depressed. And it’s scary to try to go deeper, to understand the layers. The context, true evaluations without my own personal nods. I had to see things. In places where I wouldn’t have normally found them. I have family. They are (insert names here) And…
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Hi! I’m Mentally Unwell. You?
I suppose I have walked around most of my life saying…. hi, I’m a victim of circumstances. Hi…. did you hear about my circumstances? Well…. let me tell you about those darned circumstances! I think I meant for it to sound how ‘badass I am… how much I have overcome’. It started to really say….…
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Brainspotting Therapy
I’m starting brainspotting therapy on the 22nd of this month. It’s very different from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). If you read this, look it up if you’re interested. It’s specifically for people that have had trauma in their background and have developed PTSD/C-PTSD. I’m looking forward to starting. Although I have to allow myself to…
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