PTSD, My Life, My Changes

Category: Mental Health

  • I’m Learning… I’m Listening

    At my age, one would think that my childhood wouldn’t bother me so much. And, in fairness, it’s not bothering me as much as it used to. I’m looking around. Taking in the spaces around me and what they really are. They’re not a threat. There’s not someone looking at me funny or talking about…

  • Last Week

    Last week was bonkers. I was preparing to go to Chicago with my friend Shannon and Jenni. Jenni is someone that lives with Shannon. This weekend was the first time I would meet her. We all endeavored to the Hilton in Chicago to spend the night in preparation to see Sarah Millican (Thank you Chris…

  • To My Core

    I think after I stopped seeing my last therapist and the fuckery with Ashleigh was discovered, I broke a bit. Again. I do think that this time might be different. I have needed to come to a realization that I’m worth so much more. I’m worth being outside. Participating in life. Buying myself little things.…

  • Something feels different

    I feel my life is changing, just a bit. I’m still laying in my dark bedroom, just before bed, discussing my inner thoughts. I had a very tough beginning to my weekend. I got some distressing news about my daughter and the company she keeps. I made a decision, finally. I have to let go.…

  • I am okay to be me

    Something I wrote yesterday: I’d like to share it. I am okay to be me Whoever I declare “me” to be Fraud to you, friend to me My life may not exactly look like yours Equality A hope, a dream If I am like creator, of creator – How can I be disavowed by man?…

  • No one ever asks for this

    It’s true. I never imagined myself feeling like I was going to be a 15 year old until … Probably, now? (guess how old I actually am? Hint: I’m a few decades from 15 years old.) I have been living my life feeling like I’ve had to defend myself. For making bad decisions. For disappointing…

  • Saying Goodbye, Saying Hello.. (Again)

    I have been trying to evaluate things. My life. What’s important to me. Who I am, exactly. I came to a deep reflection today about myself. I’m not living my life. I’m living my life remembering bad things and relating them to experiences in my current life. I don’t see things around me and I…

  • Letting Go…. Not 15 Years Old Anymore

    I’ve had PTSD for quite a while now. I guess I didn’t realize how my brain changed during my traumatic experiences growing up. And after I grew up… (*kinda*) I have always wanted to be better than I was. Thinking that I was still 15 years old, I saw everyone as not liking me. Or…

  • 5/18/25. I am finally enough

    I look at myself now, and I see things differently. When I was a teenager, I was allowed to do things I should never have done. I made choices to avoid being alone. And my ability to determine who was safe and was not, I had no ability to sense. I saw a very small…

  • Teeth, Quality, and Breaking Down

    I had all my teeth removed by the time I was in my 20’s. I didn’t exactly care for myself. Depression and poverty. Not fun times. Insurance will cover removal of teeth at $0 copay to over $1000 for a root canal and crown. I had two kids and a husband. I had no money.…