In the faith I grew up in, it was identified that you were either with us or you were against us. You were a believer or an unbeliever. There was no middle ground. So, black and white thinking. Black and white thinking is comforting – if the simplicity of it is all that you seek. The lesson that I learned in this: life is not just as simple as black and white. There are so many expansive colors that make this world what it is. I cannot condemn anyone of anything. That is not a power I should wield or possess in any way shape or form.

I think it’s easy to take comfort in believing what you’re told. And that you can trust what you’re told to being the truth. There is a comfort in everything being black and white. There is also a huge problem in not being able to look outside of that scope.

Nothing is as simple as it appears to be. There is a motive. A reason that people go outside of the norm of society. Abhorrent behavior isn’t just someone not wanting to conform. There generally is a rational behind it – even if it’s ugly. And as a society, we want to understand why. Put a label on it so it’s not unknown. I think for me, the unknown has always terrified me. The dark has always terrified me – because in the dark – the unknown lives. I’d come home from church with my family and I’d be the first one inside the house. I’d feel on the wall with an intensity of trying to find the light switch. I needed that light turned on so I could identify what existed. So I knew I was safe.

I think that the Bible was our first self help book. People looked to the mythology as a means to cope with the inevitable disappointment of existence. If we knew how to identify why we were here, it could help answer questions. And “God” knew that we would question how we got to this giant marble in space and time. It’s comforting to have the answers at our discretion. If we understood that eventually, our behaviors and our beliefs would lead us to a heavenly reward – all our suffering and trials would be worth it in the end. Jesus would welcome us to our heavenly home after a long and exhausting time on this giant marble we call our temporary home. The idea of Heaven and Hell are – incredible. The fact that – if you believe, you go to Heaven. If you do not believe, you go to Hell. So it’s a with us, or against us plot.

Why is the necessary? The plot, it seems, is a means to keep a person in line. If you feel that your eternal soul is threatened – then of course you’re going to obey. Why wouldn’t you? Is eternal damnation really worth it? Going to a dance, doing drugs, premarital sex, committing suicide, any sin – If a person rebukes their former self and allows themselves to love in God and Jesus, their sins shall be forgiven. So therefore, manipulation towards a greater good. (In my mind)

I think the reason why black and white thinking bothers me is because it puts people in a judgmental place. To accept someone in another religion, to accept someone who is LGBTQ+, to accept someone who doesn’t make the mark of that status quo – that means that you’re either with us, or against us. If you don’t fall into line, you do not conform, there is something wrong with you. To simply condemn someone for doing something that seems wrong because it doesn’t fit into the normal paradigm – it’s not okay.

I’ll go to a difficult place here for a minute. Let’s talk about the topic of abortion for a minute. Feel free to condemn me, if you desire. I’m good with it. (Wouldn’t be the first….) So, an incestual relationship occurs, a rape, any type of sexual act to be honest. A pregnancy occurs. An unplanned, unwanted pregnancy occurs. The teenager, woman, etc… decides the best course of action is an abortion. According to abortionfacts.com – there are many statements in the bible texts. This one, I’ll highlight specifically. “The law, moreover enjoins us to bring up all our offspring, and forbids women to cause abortion of what is begotten, or to destroy it afterward; and if any woman appears to have so done, she will be a murderer of her child, by destroying a living creature, and diminishing humankind.” (The Works of Josephus, Flavius Josephus Against Apion, Book II, 25).

Look, I realize abortion is a hot button issue. There are more reasons, I believe that woman should have a right to any just birth control measures. I think lawmakers get caught into biblical literature when deciding the fates of many. It’s easy to simply look to the “good book” and say.. this is why I decided for you. And while I’m not saying there is absolute legitimacy behind my feelings – I can’t prove cause and effect… I think there might be something that could be proven. If someone took the time to do the research. So – let’s go back to the example. Abortion. A teenager has a child out of wedlock. Despite her ability to deal with the circumstances she may be thrust into low pay, difficulties getting out of impoverished circumstances. An adult chooses to deal with low paying wages by dealing drugs to get more immediate monetary gain. Parent ends up in the system. Potential abuse to the unwanted child. CPS or other family services departments become involved. Unplanned pregnancies are not able to be aborted because of societal pressures. Adoption isn’t always the easiest to do for the respective mother. You want to believe that the child will have a better life. How, as a potential mother can you emotionally cope? Will you be able to handle it? Especially if you don’t have the support of people who love you? Sometimes abortion is simply Machiavellian. Simply a means to an end. And sometimes the fetus is a product of an abusive relationship. The person that is impregnanted is forced to give birth to a child by a father that gives little respect for any life. So, as you can see here, it is not just – you’re with us or you’re against us. There are middle grounds. There are unpleasant things to think about in the mix. And so many people have a religious point of view that they – out of the goodness of their hearts, think they need to implant onto others. In the process of doing so, the message they convey is judgmental. It is not heard by others to be helpful. It is hurtful. Yet, they cannot see it as anything but saving the other person from eternal damnation.

You can try to pray away abortion. You can try to protest outside of abortion clinics. No matter what, abortion will still exist. The problem is, you’re going to leave it to back alley abortions. Abortions that will be unsafe, unsanitary, and deadly – not just to the fetus, but to the person getting the abortion. And while you might say that it’s justified for the person getting the abortion to die, who gives you the right to say that? What do you know about this person? Do you know why they’re going to get it? Do you know if they were sexually prepared for the undertaking of motherhood? Just because your body can create life does not mean that you’re automatically okay to take care of a child.

The news reports say enough, almost every day sometimes. A child was left or an infant was left to die in a hot/cold car. We need alarms on the car seat to alarm the parent or the driver that there is a child still in the car. It’s easy for me to say, but those casualties – those infants and children that died. Was it simply that the child was forgotten? Or was there a lack of regard for those infants and children in the first place? If the child was unwanted, the parent wasn’t prepared and made the decision. Made the conscious decision to not care. And even if car seat companies made the adaptation – how much would the alarms really change things – in the grand scheme of things. If the disregard is already there, the means will change.

What exactly does this mean? Why do I blather on about this? Why am I so passionate about this? I was a kid once, and I was sexually active. I wanted to feel love. As I recently told my therapist, I went from October of 1991 to December 1992 not being told that I was loved. I suffered because I was going through some of the hardest times in my life. So as a result, I began having sex. While I realized my decisions would have consequences, I wasn’t mentally prepared. Mental health wasn’t a priority in my world at that time. Everyone that was my elder basically let me float around on my own without helping me through the volatile time in my life. I was physically sexually available for child birth. I was not emotionally ready. I believe that every person – boys and girls should have sexual preparedness taught in school. It’s not enough to teach the biology, but it’s important to address the rest of it. Sure- give a kid a pretend baby. That’s not all. There needs to be more. People that are particularly at risk – at risk youth need that communication. Mental health needs to be discussed in general. Allowing kids to communicate their needs. Instead of punishing people for acting abhorrently – try to look outside the black and white. There might be missteps that no one sees. And no one wants to see.

I could have had a child by a man who beat the crap out of me, daily. He wouldn’t even allow me to take my anti-depressants because he was told at some point that antidepressants act as a birth control. I don’t recall who told him this, but he wanted me to get pregnant. I was lucky enough not to get pregnant with his child. I feel like someone was watching out for me. There are many people who have not been so lucky. Many who have made very critically bad decisions. And in the end, children have suffered. Our society is continually broken. And while there are woman and children whom have defied the odds and not become statistics – it’s not an easy sell.

I love someone who had an abortion. She made the decision to get one. It was not an easy decision, but it was hers to make and I supported her. She suffered emotionally, afterwards, of course. When she was outed, socially for having the abortion – a peer chose to hit her. Bruised her face as a result of her fierce stance on abortion and her expressing herself. This person didn’t deserve the retribution. Regardless of what anyone might say. You don’t know her and you never will. I will go to my grave feeling very passionate about a womans right to decide. Roe vs. Wade is something that is NOT black and white. It is not simply – the bible says no. There is more to the story. If nothing else, remember that.